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Tricia Schanbacher
Hatteberg's People
Reporter: Larry Hatteberg
October 19, 2003--It was supposed to be one of the happiest times in her life. It tuned out to be one of the saddest. Now Tricia Schanbacher wants to help other women whose lose a baby during pregnancy. Through her sadness comes the hope of making a difference.
“I’ve always been thankful for him. It took us awhile to get him and I thank God every day.”
Tricia Schanbacher is a stay at-home-mom and the mother of two year old Chance.
“Once you lose a baby, you look forward to every day watching them grow.”
But not all babies grow. Not all babies live. This summer, Tricia lost a son eighteen weeks into the pregnancy. His name would have been Eugene.
“First I was numb. The pain was more than anything I have ever known.”
Now, with her active two-year-old to care for…she is hoping to make a difference in the lives of other mothers. Mothers who have lost a baby during pregnancy…and whose lives turn to depression.
“A lot of times friends and family don’t know what to say and it’s just as awkward for us. When people tell us they are sorry we don’t have the right reply because we can’t just say that it’s ok.”
Surrounded by life’s little collectables, her South Wichita home is full of the exuberance any two year old always adds. But for Tricia, the last few months have been filled with questions…that have no answers.
“The first thing you want to know is why? And you never get the answers to those questions…just tremendous pain…a lot of guilt….feeling like you failed.”
But time goes on, life goes on, and the Big Blue Bear is her two-year old’s best friend at the moment. Tricia could have done nothing. Could have suffered here in silence. She didn’t.
“I could either sit and grieve and allow myself to stay in deep grief, or I could find something positive to do with it. It’s important to me. I don’t want other women to experience the loneliness and the misunderstanding.”
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Tricia says other mothers, like her, need to talk and be with those who have like experiences.
“They don’t have to be lonely. They don’t have to hurt by themselves. There are other women who hurt and you can find comfort in others who this has happened to.”
At the graveside of a child she never held, Tricia never thought she would be reaching out like this. Shy by nature, but strong in heart; she is making this death count.
“There will always be pain there. There is always hurt. It’s not as though it can go away.”
“For me, I’m thankful for the son that I lost; he is helping me to grow. Helping me talk with other people and getting the word out.”
At home, there is one swing, not two. Inside though, there is determination and some surprises---surprises from her two year old.
“He helps a bunch. He helps momma with the valleys on bad days. It’s amazing how a two year old can bring you a Kleenex and try to wipe your tears. You tell him you have an ow-ee on your heart and he kisses your heart.”
Kids are powerful medicine. And as Tricia says, even the smallest miracles need to be remembered.
If you would like to help Tricia start a support group, you can contact her by calling 316 943-0801. Or on e-mail at:
tricia01@cox.net.
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