The universal rules to any pick up game of basketball as seen through the eyes of Paul Shirley.  Paul Shirley is a professional basketball player (most of the time) from Meriden, Kansas, though even his hometown is according to him debatable.  I am reading his book, "Can I Keep My Jersey," and so far it is quite interesting, witty and really funny (but only if you have a sense of humor, but if you don't then you won't even understand this joke and you should probably just skip this blog entirely.)

The rules of a pick up game are:

1.  Teams shall be picked by either the two tallest or the two eldest players participating.  A shortage of players should not be looked upon as a hindrance to the beginning of action.  If need be, a bystander(s) with any level of skill can be drafted, without any regard to effect on the level of play.  Eligible bystanders include coaches, ball boys and all bipedal organisms from the class Mammalia.

2.  After teams are established, the members of neither team should in any way differentiate themselves from members of the other team.  The concept of "shirts and skins" shall remain just that--a concept.  Which isn't confusing at all.

3.  There shall be, at minimum, two arguments concerning the score.  At some point in the game, players will be forced to count up individual baskets in order to come up with an aggregate score for the team. (Understandable; it is easy to lose track when all baskets count as one point and the winner is the first to score the astronomical number of seven.)

4.  No player on the court shall ever know whether the offensive or the defensive player is responsible for calling of fouls.  In most cases the opponent will have taken the ball to the other end of the court before it is established that a foul was called.  Here, the player who calls the foul must stand up for his cause.  The slightest hesitation or lack of conviction will result in forfeiture foul-calling rights, in addition to public ridicule.  And manhood-questioning.

5.  Upon conclusion of any one game, if players on the sidelines wish to join the game, they must make a case for inclusion with force and speed.  If not, there exists the possibility that the players on the court will "run it back" and start a new game with the same participants as the previous game.  When entering the field of play, the new player or players shall select, from the losing team in the previous game, enough participants to fill a new team.  At this point, no one shall tell the players who were not selected of their gross ineptitude.  Instead, they will be ignored until they make their way to the sidelines, heads held low.

6. If a number of games to be played is established prior to the start of play, that number shall be ignored upon arrival at said number.  No player shall admit that he is "tired" or that he "needs to do something else" or that "the games have deteriorated into nothing more than full-court layup drills" for fear of being viewed as weak in body and spirit.

7. Nothing resembling a coherent offensive plan will be employed on the court.  Instead, players will limit themselves to a strict regimen of bad shots and ugly play at all times.

8. (This rule was more of a personal statement of his (Shirley's) mental outlook on pick up games wherein he tries only not to disgrace his family name with his play. And he realizes this will not help him make a team.)

The End.

Next blog topic possibilities: 1)Why I love my Blackberry 2) Why I hate curling (the sport, not the contorting of any extremities) 3. What is that smell in the mini-fridge in the newsroom? 4) How long does it take to put a story together?  5) Dave Phillips is my hero because...

I wil let you guys or girls or any bidpedal mammalia choose my next blog topic.  Submit your votes along with your comments and that will be my next blog.  Contest ends 3/12/2008, no purchase necessary.